Self-care: Is it holding you back from achieving your goals?

How do they get it all done?

I'm often asked how I have time to write, edit, publish, market and promote my books when I have a fulltime corporate job, a husband I like to spend time with, and pre-teen/teen children who I actively parent... well, most of the time.

When it comes to writing and publishing, I have periods of incredible productivity, and other days and weeks of procrastination and very little output. My rather haphazard social content is proof of that!

Why can I not be consistent? Why? Why?

I have some dear friends who are creatives and entrepreneurs in addition to their 'real jobs'. Some are very prolific in their output, and others not so much, and I've been pondering the difference.

Are some people just more motivated, better organised, less self-critical or more creative? Do they have better software, mentors or support systems?

Or could it be the way they choose to spend their time just means they are more productive...

Before you delve into another evening with your favourite streaming platform, take a moment and consider the concept of Self-Care vs. Self-Sabotage.

Self-care vs Self Sabotage

In a world that constantly emphasizes the importance of self-care, it’s easy to get swept away by the allure of bubble baths, massages, and quiet afternoons doing not much. These moments of indulgence are often marketed as essential for mental and physical well-being and perhaps they are. But maybe only to a point. Because, for those of us who have a desire to create something outside of our day jobs, there is the potential for self-care to morph into self-sabotage.

Do any of these sound familiar?

"I don't have time to write today. I've booked a mani/pedi to make me feel good. I work hard, I deserve the pampering."

"I don't have the energy to update my website tonight. It's been a looong day. I'm going to settle on the couch with Netflix and a glass of wine."

"I'll write/paint/compose/create better when I feel more in the mood. I'm just not feeling 'it' right now."

"I need some me time."

For those of us who are yet to produce the creative output or entrepreneurial results we want, it is worth considering how the quest for self-care may have become a barrier to pursuing our true passions and goals.

The Appeal of Self-Care

Self-care has become a buzzword, synonymous with relaxation and personal pampering. It promises a sanctuary from the chaos of daily life, offering an escape that many find irresistible. The practices associated with self-care might include:

• Luxurious bubble baths

• Indulgent spa days or mani-pedi outings

• Quiet afternoons spent in solitude

• Mindful meditation sessions

• Gourmet meals prepared with love or eating out

• Movies or bingeing shows

• Reading into the late hours (one of my favourites!)

Sometimes it is just the glorious luxury of doing not much of anything at all.

Relaxing.

Breathing.

Being.

But when does this self-nurturing become avoidance or procrastination? And can we pay a negative price for over-indulging in self-care?

Hiding Behind Self-Care

For some, self-care becomes a way to avoid getting on with creating what else we want in life. It’s easy to justify spending hours indulging in self-care rituals rather than tackling pressing projects or goals. This avoidance can manifest in several ways:

• Procrastination: Putting off creative projects, such as writing a novel or starting a blog, in favour of a relaxing evening spent in a bubble bath.

• Fear of Failure: Using self-care as a shield against the anxiety that comes with pursuing ambitious goals, such as launching a business or improving one’s health.

• Comfort Zones: Staying in the comfort of self-care routines rather than stepping out into the unknown to chase dreams and aspirations.

  
  

The Cost of Overindulgence

While self-care is necessary for recharging, too much 'down-time' could lead to stagnation, and that doesn't feel great. We put off the productive activities that align with our long-term goals. The consequences of this self-sabotage might include:

• Unfulfilled Dreams: Creative projects remain unfinished, leading to feelings of regret and dissatisfaction.

• Stagnation: Health and business goals may be neglected, resulting in a lack of progress and achievement.

• Increased Anxiety: The gap between where we are and where we want to be can lead to heightened stress and anxiety levels.

  
  

Finding Balance

So, how do we strike a balance between self-care and productive action? Here are some strategies I am working on:

• Set Intentions: Approach self-care with a purpose. Define what you want to achieve in your creative or professional life and use self-care as a part of achieving those goals, not instead of.

• Time Management: Allocate specific times for self-care and for working on your goals. This ensures that you are not neglecting either aspect of your life.

• Mindful Self-Care: Choose self-care activities that genuinely rejuvenate you and inspire creativity rather than those that serve merely as distractions.

• Go easy on yourself: Don't beat yourself up when you realise you have spent more of your week on being and less of your week on doing. Just check in with yourself and honestly ask if you are doing what you really want to do, or if you are avoiding other tasks.

  
  

We all have different motivators, stressors and goals. Understanding yourself is the most important aspect of creating the life you want.

Think about when you feel most inspired / focused / committed to action vs. when you don't, and perhaps consider about how you are using self-care as a delaying tactic in your own life.

Are there specific tasks that you avoid? What is one thing you could do to get started?

Self-care is essential, but it’s important to recognize when it transforms into self-sabotage. By understanding the fine line between the two, we can cultivate a healthier relationship with ourselves—one that encourages both relaxation and the pursuit of our dreams.

Embrace self-care as a tool for empowerment, not a crutch for avoidance, and watch as you not only nurture your well-being but also propel yourself toward your aspirations.

With that said, it's time for me to turn off the reno shows, and get back to writing!

#createanintentionallife

:) Tara